


Sinners

by Ozzyyy



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Antarctic Empire, Blood God Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Character Study, Father Figures, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, God these tags are so weird to me, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), I SAID I WOULDNT WRITE IT, Make philza a tag, Mentioned TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Mentioned Wilbur Soot, Phil Watson Angst (Video Blogging RPF), Phil Watson Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Philza (Video Blogging RPF) - Freeform, Philza Character Study, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, This hurts, Trauma, but here we are, i want to write Philza or Philza Minecraft so bad, im sorry, philza minecraft, please, this hurts me to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:29:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28784217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozzyyy/pseuds/Ozzyyy
Summary: 'I must be good for something'-Phil's feelings and explaining everything through the storyline as we know it. My man is TRAUMATIZED. His name is literally The Angel of Death. He killed his SON--also i wrote this but dont think this is like. me sayin' he's 100% good or anythin'. Still real shitty what he did to everyone but I wanted to explain maybe why he did it.
Relationships: Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF) & Everyone, Technoblade & Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 8
Kudos: 133





	Sinners

**Author's Note:**

> tw: social norms for men is mentioned once because i made techno and phil hug. death, not really gorey tho and it's already in the story. grief and trauma mentions and explanations. just sadness man. its just sad. 
> 
> if Philza's story ends up good I WILL WRITE A SAPPY HAPPY ENDING because god do i want one but i just needed this out of my system because being called the angel of death HAS to get to you when you've killed your son.

The Angel of Death. 

Doesn't sound like a pleasant nickname. It was fitting, Phil supposed, at the time. 

The nickname was given to him by who knows who, but the entire populous now whispered it when he passed by. 

From what he's gathered, the origins are partly because of the dreadfully foreboding wings, dark grey and lacking luster, only shine coming from the diamond shapes that littered the lining of them. Partly because of his magnetism for death. Whether the original maker of this nickname had meant it to signify his ability in battle or his knack for those around him perishing in short time, Phil will never know. 

However, he's begun to lean towards the latter of the two. 

Techno on the other hand, well, he'd been the mere opposite. While, yes, he was the one dealing out destruction to their enemies, more often than not he'd be the diplomatic of the two in their early days. That isn't what made him such an opposite force, though. It was the fact that he never died. Or rather, that's how the tale went. Technoblade never dies and the man who brings death where he walks, it's no wonder they became such a dynamic duo. 

And honestly, it was his mistake to get too close to someone outside of Techno anyway. He let his guard down, after the Antarctic Empire. Moved into retirement, considered those days behind him, let the idea of a cursed life fly away with the summer nights spent with people he slowly considered family. 

Techno could never die, but that was not a radius effect. 

He let Wilbur close and kept him that way. Because he loves Techno but nothing compares to that sunlight the boy gives off. Well and true, he is his son. And maybe not by blood, but by bond and Phil will bury anyone who says differently. 

It came with a cost, as all things do. And Phil couldn't see his way out of the maze of excuses he'd need to make to not be at blame. He had a choice. Phil had looked his son in the eyes and made a decision he didn't need to make, but one he also had to. Because between the maddening cackles coming from the sunshine boy he'd lost along the way and the perishing looks of the boys he'd known too young for war, the decision was already made. 

Phil couldn't let anyone else be hurt by Wilbur. He wouldn't want that for himself. A dark part of him wonders if Wilbur's final pleas for death were from that long gone yellow sweater that cried out for peace.

So he dug his blade into his gut. He made that choice and would carry it on his shoulders. The Angel of Death, wings outspread across the entrance to Wilbur's control room, taking another life. 

Everything, everyone, he touched would die. Eventually, everyone would, but not like that. No, it would be sudden. Violent. Abrasive and destructive. For someone proclaimed as an angel, he can't see himself as anything but a sinner. 

He tries. God dammit, he tries. He sits with Techno for hours, healing and mending what's broken to the best of his ability. Techno may not be Wilbur, hell he's not even his son, but he's someone to care for that he's sure won't die under his influence. 

And when the butchers come to execute him, Phil's heart nearly stops in his chest. He hates it, hates this helpless feeling of burdening pain. Even if he has no hand on the lever, he dooms his family to death. Nothing can stop the fall of an anvil. No one can stop death, but Phil wishes he had more time, another chance to say sorry or thank you or beg for forgiveness--

And Techno lives. He lives and he finds Tommy and Phil can breathe. Because they're together, they're safe, and bonding in their own silly way. The second Techno and him get a chance to breathe, and Phil can look at Techno without imagining his death, he doesn't let go of his torso. Techno and him aren't physical people. They don't hug, they don't really feel a need to. The presence of a friend is far enough for them. 

This is a moment of weakness, futile pulling at fate's strings, hoping that if he just keeps his friend a little closer, that he won't slip through his fingers. And while Techno tries to joke his way out of the hold a few times, he slowly drifts into a silence, understanding. Phil tells every expectation of manhood or masculinity out the goddamn door, because he'd rather lose that then Techno. In that thought, he buries his face a little deeper into his cloak, gripping the lapels of his jacket and steadying his shaking breath.

They don't speak. Phil calms down soon enough, and the wings he's protectively wrapped around the two of them fall back to his slide and shutter back into his cloak. 

But Phil tries to keep closer to Techno from then on. 

Tommy is another story entirely. 

He's not sure the change that happens in Phil's brain when Wilbur dies, but it's an irreversible switch he can't flick back. It's grief, his mind provides him, it's grief and trauma from losing your fucking son. 

But the voice sounds too much like Wilbur and not enough like himself, so he leaves it. Ghostbur is around and that helps. Ghostbur isn't Wilbur, but he's a close copy who's got his son's innocence and joy. Phil forcibly ignores how the sunshine of Ghostbur is like the beating sun on a hot summer day, dry air choking you of breath and how different that is to Wilbur's serene spring afternoons. 

It's different. But it's close enough. Because what's even closer is Tommy, which hurts far more. Tommy is a summer storm. He may not be as gentle or calm all the time as Wilbur was, but he's so much like a younger Wilbur. 

Phil catches him outside in the snow, rolling snowballs into a gollum that he chases around in a faux snowball fight. He sees Tommy pick up a guitar and pluck at the strings with a deep understanding sadness in his eyes. Walks into the house to see Tommy curled up next to the fire, Wilbur's coat pulled across his shoulders. 

He can't mention any of it, because the words get caught on his tongue and sting his eyes with tears. But he acts the same as well. Same boisterous laughter, similar outside extroverted nature, but a hidden peaceful core that Phil only sees when Tommy pets Carl in the morning, when he thinks no one sees. Or when Techno moves too quickly and flinches far too hard, resulting in Tommy sitting out the rest of the morning chores because he's far too mentally and emotionally exhausted. 

Phil loses him too, eventually. In a sick way, Phil's overjoyed by the news that Tommy's betrayed them. Not only will this mean Tommy will be too far for Phil's deathly curse to hurt him, but if he does die-- Phil can distance himself enough to not feel it. Because he can't. He really, really, can't. 

He stuffs that away with each happy memory he has of Tommy when he blows up L'manburg. He's not sure how Techno does it, he knows the man's rather close with Tommy. Seeing him this distressed is hard. Hearing Ghostbur scream at him is even harder. 

He has to, is the thing. He has to keep moving, keep going. Phil can't stop, can't look back, can't examine what he's done with a critical eye. Because if he does, he knows he'll see it's all his fault. He killed his son, doomed his other, lost all his friends. Techno remains because Techno can't do much but remain. They stay close because no one else will have them. Who will stay by the side of the Blood God? Not Tommy, that is. Everyone until this point had used Techno as nothing more than a weapon. The Blade. He can't die, which is something people will use to their advantage. 

The Angel of Death and a Man Who Can't Die. They're a perfect pair of traumatized souls. 

Which is how he compartmentalises this whole mess. He can't have it happen again. So he might as well push away anyone who'd get too close, and in the process stop the government from causing it for anyone else. He's doing, in his mind, a favor. It's destruction draws Tommy and Tubbo closer. It's a fortunate side effect. 

And he keeps moving forward. He does it with Techno. Because there's no other choice.


End file.
